


too young, too dumb (to know things like love)

by 90sluv



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Getting Back Together, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28984344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/90sluv/pseuds/90sluv
Summary: Four years after they first met, Jeno and Jaemin find each other again.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 36





	1. part I

It has been four years since Jeno first stepped in the place he is now, and even though things changed ever since there's still some odd familiarity in there, just like in the old times.

Jeno was sixteen years old when his parents announced that, once again, they would have to move out. Both their parents were geologists, met through college, and due to their job it was a common thing that, from time to time, their family would have to live in another city or even another country, sometimes they would stay in the same place for months, others years. The boy had grown accustomed to it, in fact, he kind of enjoyed it, he found it cool to be able to get to know so many new places and people, and to be able to reinvent himself every time.

Now, seated on a table of the small yet cozy cafe he used to visit, he remembers everything clearer. He remembers when he first discovered the store, it was one week after he moved to the city, he was bored of being alone in his house so he decided to explore his surroundings. He felt awestruck by the idea of a cat cafe, even though he was allergic to the fur of the animals, and soon it became his favorite place.

It was summer and everything felt nice, Jeno was adjusting to the new city and finding ways to enjoy it by himself. And it was then when he met Jaemin, a remarkable person whom Jeno liked almost immediately. Jaemin had pink hair and a beautiful smile, he used to work at that same cat cafe.

The friendship between the two boys was something that just happened. It was natural, some might even say it was just meant to be. With Jeno's regular visits to the place, soon they started talking and then managed to never stop. They used to spend all the afternoon at the cafe talking to each other, and sometimes playing with the cats. They felt comfort in each other's presence, and there were times in their conversations when they would reveal every little secret part of themselves because even with so little time knowing each other they felt closer together than with anyone else.

It wasn't late until Jeno started to wait until Jaemin's shift was over to give him a ride home. As soon as they stepped into the car, the pink-haired boy used to turn the radio on and the whole drive went by with just the two comfortable humming the songs on the radio. It was summer and, to Jeno, being by Jaemin's side made everything just right. In just a month of friendship, their bond was so strong that, according to Jaemin, they already considered themselves to be each other's person. They were best friends.

Now, autumn is almost ending, the breeze is already cold, a brief announcement that winter is coming, and Jeno is seated at the cafe where everything has begun. The owner of the place isn't the same as before and neither is the barista, but still, Jeno finds himself spending more time than he should at the place hoping that, somehow, maybe by fate, Jaemin will meet him there.

But the day is ending and everything is turning darker and the air is getting colder, so finally, he decides that it's time for him to go back to the hotel. Maybe he can come back to the cafe another time.

Inside the cab, on the way to the hotel, Jeno admires the view on the window, the town has changed but it’s still just as beautiful as before. He thinks that from every place he's ever been to this one has always been his favorite, maybe because of the feeling he had that this was where his life has really begun.

And while on his way back, passing through the places he once was so accustomed to, he remembers the time when he first kissed Jaemin. It has come from a foolish idea. Jeno had known that Jaemin was bi for a while, meanwhile, he wasn't so sure about his sexuality. He was sixteen and had never kissed or even felt interested in anyone before. But then the terrible idea of kissing his best friend came into his mind, together with the terrible decision to suggest it out loud, “ _just for practice_ ,” he had said. And to Jeno's surprise, Jaemin agreed to it. Just like that, out of the frivolity of the two boys, it happened, and Jeno didn't regret any bit of it. Their first kiss was just like everything between them, familiar.

Jeno finally arrives at the hotel he's staying. He came into the city due to his work, he's going to be the face of a new product for a beauty company and the shooting is going to happen in the very same city where he used to live years ago.

It has been one year since he was approached on the street and offered the opportunity to become a model. In the beginning, he hesitated, Jeno never liked to be the center of attention, but as he needed the money, he found himself accepting the job and, to his surprise, liking it.

Before Jaemin, Jeno was never one to believe in such things as fate, but, as he didn't know at the time, once you cross paths with Na Jaemin nothing will stay the same in your life, so now, yes, he is the kind of person that believes in destiny. So when the company contacted him, he thought that maybe it was fate and he was indeed destined to meet Jaemin once again.

But now, it doesn't feel like it at all. It has been two days since he's been there, going to the same places where he thought he would find the boy, but didn't catch any glimpse of him yet. _Maybe I'm just being delusional, maybe he doesn't even live here anymore_ , Jeno thinks.

He opens his computer to search something to watch but his mind doesn't seem to want to focus on anything else besides the past. Suddenly, Jeno sees himself looking for the profile of his old friends on the internet. It's been a couple of years since he last messaged Lee Donghyuck, one of his closest friends from the time he lived in the city. Scrolling through his Instagram profile Jeno can see that Donghyuck is still dating Huang Renjun, Jaemin's best friend. Nothing seems to have changed that much in his old friends' lives and, at this moment, Jeno wishes the same would've happened to him. He wishes he could have stayed.

While scrolling through Donghyuck's profile and contemplating the idea of contacting him, Jeno catches a glimpse of someone familiar. It's a group photo in a bar, there are some people Jeno doesn't seem to recognize, there are Hyuck and Renjun, and right in the corner, there's him, Na Jaemin. Jeno's heart starts to beat faster at the sight. It has been so long since he last saw the boy in the picture and even if he is different now, to Jeno, he looks just the same as before, still radiating the same ethereal energy as he has always had.

Jeno also notices the way there is a girl in the photo clinging onto Jaemin and how Jaemin's hand is resting on her waist, and he feels his insides twisting in jealousy. There is no valid reason for him to be feeling this way over this, but it has always been like this with Jaemin. Only with Jaemin. Before the boy, Jeno had never felt such things, and neither did he after, but, when Jaemin was involved, Jeno could never help but to feel everything at once.

The sudden feeling brings him back to that old time. Two months had passed since he and Jaemin shared the kiss and nothing much changed in their friendship. In fact, they grew even closer to each other. The thing was, Jeno was young and clueless, so he never put much thought into the whole kiss stuff, and since Jaemin never talked about it he didn't feel the need to do it either. It was only when Jaemin started to hang out often with one boy from his class that Jeno started to realize his feelings towards his friend. Rumors started to be spread around corridors, about how the boy liked Jaemin and they were dating, and even if Jeno knew it wasn't true, he found himself hurting at the thought of it.

Jeno realized he liked Jaemin, his best friend, at the age of sixteen, but he was too scared to do anything about it. Besides, to Jeno, it felt like it was already too late since Jaemin was spending so much time with the other boy already. It was then when Jeno felt jealousy for the first time in his life. Jaemin was Jeno's firsts in a lot of things, as it seemed.

Still in that particular month, it was when Jeno confessed to Jaemin. They had spent the entire month with that weird vibe around them, they were growing apart from each other. Or better, Jeno was distancing himself from Jaemin for not knowing how to deal with his feelings, everything was so new to him. So it was Jaemin who couldn't take it anymore and went after Jeno, trying to understand what went wrong in their friendship. " _I'_ _m really sorry, okay? I don't know how I could even let this happen... But I like you, Jaemin, I really like you. And I totally get it if you don't want to be friends with me anymore, but I will always care for you as my best friend, Nana, and I really don’t want to lose our friendship over this_ ," Jeno had finally let it out, still reluctantly, after Jaemin plead, saying that nothing the boy could say would make him mad at Jeno. Their second kiss was shared that day, in Jeno's living room, it was soft and chaste, and it was also interrupted by the arrival of Jeno's parents in the house, making Jaemin run away.

Jeno takes one last look at the picture on his friend’s Instagram and backs out from the idea of contacting him. He is not ready for the consequences of it, at least not yet.

**_____________________________________________________________________**

On his third night in the city, Jeno decides to go out. Earlier, once again, he went to the same cafe he has been visiting since the first day. He is starting to find it tiring, waiting for something he isn’t even sure is going to happen. It’s getting tiring counting on such things as fate when he could just act up. But again, Jeno isn’t even sure of what exactly he wants or what he is expecting.

He’s finishing his second drink, seated on the counter of the bar when his quietness is interrupted by a voice. “No way,” the person screams at his side. Jeno turns his head to see what is happening, his vision is already a little blurred, so he thinks he’s seeing things when he’s met by an agape Huang Renjun standing next to him. “Jeno Lee?!” Renjun continues.

“Renjun.” Jeno gives him a small confused smile in response. “Long time no see.”

“No offense, but I thought I would never hear of you anymore,” Renjun lets out a laugh, he seems to be a little drunk. “What are you even doing here anyway?”

They quickly catch up on everything that is going on in both their lives. Renjun talks freely to him about how he and Donghyuck had just moved out together, and how he got a job as an art teacher in a primary school nearby. Jeno feels relieved that it doesn’t feel like Renjun holds a grudge against him or anything like that.

“You can come and sit with us if you want to,” Renjun says, pointing to a distant table on the other corner of the bar, it’s so far that Jeno barely can see a thing besides some blurred figures. But then something catches his eyes, it’s Jaemin, laughing with his friends on the other side of the room. “I think he’d like to see you," Renjun finishes.

But it hits Jeno too hard. Seeing Jaemin again was something that never left his mind, but now that it’s finally happening he isn’t sure about it anymore. Glancing at Jaemin on the other side of the bar, his ex seems so happy, prettier than ever with his now black hair, and Jeno is glad that, from the position they are seated, Jaemin can’t see him back, because he assumes he looks truly troubled right now. He is afraid to enter Jaemin’s life again and make a mess out of it one more time. “Actually, I have to go. I have a- something to do,” he excuses himself. A blatant lie, he doesn’t have a single to do. “But it was nice seeing you, Renjun.” He gives his old friend an awkward hug and gets up to leave.

Just when he is about to go through the door, he takes one last look at Jaemin, but this time Jaemin looks through his shoulders. Jaemin looks back at him. Jaemin sees him, and Jeno runs away.

As he steps outside the bar, he feels dizzy. He clings to the wall beside him and tries to control his breathing and the fast beating of his heart. It was all too much for Jeno. He maintained eye contact with Jaemin for about one second, but it felt like forever to him. A single look that made a life of moments pass through his mind. And now, the bad memories he tried and almost completely forgot no longer seem to leave his head.

In the walk back to his hotel, he remembers the day Jaemin confessed back to him, it was just a few days after his confession. It all had felt so surreal to him. Na Jaemin, his best friend, his favorite person in the entire world, the boy Jeno was in love with, liked him back. After some weeks of secretly being together, Jeno had finally asked Jaemin to made it official. And then they were boyfriends, simple like that.

It lasted six months, and those six months with Jaemin were the best of Jeno’s adolescence. They would go together to school almost every day, and when it was over Jeno would give Jaemin a ride to his part-time job. They would walk hand-in-hand and be cheesy to each other, to the disgust of their friends. Jaemin would spend so much time in Jeno’s house on the weekends that he started to be part of his family.

Everything was simply perfect, until at the end of the semester Jeno’s parents announced that, once again, they would have to move out, this time to another country.

When Jeno broke the news to Jaemin, the two boys cried together for hours. Jeno promised that they would solve it out, that the distance between them wouldn’t change anything in their relationship, and Jaemin seemed to agree with him. But on the next day, when he texted Jaemin, the boy had blocked him. When he went to Jaemin’s house after him, his brother lied to Jeno that he wasn’t there. He even tried to look for him at his job, but he wasn’t there either. Jaemin had cut Jeno from his life before life itself could do it to them, and, for Jeno, the worst of it all was that he couldn’t even find himself mad at the boy. One week later Jeno moved out and they never even got to say goodbye to each other.

**_____________________________________________________________________**

Jeno wakes up feeling miserable, and, still, for a second he considers if everything that happened last night was just a dream, but the sour taste in his mouth together with the terrible headache tells him otherwise.

When he manages to get up and takes a look at himself in the mirror, he thinks that his outside is perfectly matching his inside, he feels awful. To make everything worse, he has about one hour to get ready and leave for a photoshoot; with hope, the makeup artist will be able to make him look like he isn't going through a terrible hangover. And, gladly, this will be his last shooting for this work. After that, he just has to attend a dinner with some presumable important people the next day, and then he will be ready to leave whenever he wants.

After last night, Jeno is sure that all the things he thought and wanted to happen were mistakes, just his mind trying to pull tricks on him. The idea of meeting Jaemin is a mistake because he doesn’t think he will ever be ready to face him again. Anyways, the boy seems happy without Jeno in his life, so maybe it’s better to just leave things the way they are.

And that’s what Jeno plans. After this week, he will leave and, this time, try his hardest to let the past stay in the past. He can’t wish to try to change what already happened anymore. He has to let go. He has to let Jaemin go.

Jeno grabs a cup of coffee in the cafe near the building where the photo shooting is happening before going in. He is some minutes early, so he sits in the room where he is supposed to get his makeup done and wait with his eyes closed, using the remaining time to prepare mentally for the shooting. Even after a year he still gets nervous before every work he does.

“You know, I thought I was hallucinating last night, having some type of weird visions...” A voice enters the room, startling Jeno, and when he opens his eyes, it’s him, it’s Jaemin, right in front of him. "But it’s really you."

"Jaemin." Jeno’s voice seems as weak as he truly is. Out of all the scenarios he had made up in his head, this wasn't one of them, and now he isn't even sure of how to react. The Na Jaemin is in front of him, after all this time, and Jeno can barely form a proper sentence.

"Jeno." Jaemin gives him a small smile. "Long time no see, huh?"

"What are you doing here?" he manages to say.

“Oh, I guess I didn’t introduce myself properly. Hello, I’m Na Jaemin and I will be doing your makeup today.”

Jeno has to pinch himself to make sure he isn’t dreaming this whole thing up, and when he realizes that it’s truly happening he looks desperate. There are so many things he wants to say to Jaemin, and he has no idea where to begin. "Jaemin... I-"

“I think it’d be better if we keep it professional,” Jaemin interrupts him. The smile Jaemin gives Jeno is nothing like he ever saw before, it’s polite yet the fakest smile he has ever seen.

And Jeno can swear that he’s trying his hardest to do what Jaemin requested, but every time he looks up and sees Jaemin passing some brush on his face, standing so close to him, his heart skips a beat and he feels weaker.

After some minutes, Jaemin announces that his work is done, and start to pack his things to leave. "It was nice meeting you, Jeno." He gives one last smile, this time more sincere than the previous one, and goes through the door.

"Jaemin, wait!" It seems like Jeno's instincts acted faster than his brain, he couldn't keep his promise after all, and before he can even process anything he is already up in the corridor calling for the other boy. When Jaemin looks back at Jeno, he seems unsettled, and his face is nothing like before, it looks like he finally let the mask he had put before entering the room drop. “Um... What are you doing in the next hour? Would you like to go out for a... I don’t know, a coffee, maybe? The shooting will not take too long.”

In the very instant Jeno asks Jaemin he already regrets doing it, by the look the boy is giving him it doesn’t seem like he will accept the offer. Jeno feels like a fool to think Jaemin would want anything to do with him.

"Actually, I have an appointment in the next hour, I'm sorry Jeno." And maybe Jeno is imagining it, but he does look sorry. "But... I'm free tomorrow, If you still want to meet..." he concludes.

“Yeah, of course! So... how do we...”

"Here!" Jaemin hands Jeno his phone. "Give me your number, and I will contact you tomorrow." And Jeno does as told. "At what time does it work for you?" Jaemin asks.

“I have a dinner thing with the company at night... So, I'm free until the evening, I guess,” Jeno says.

“Okay... But now I _really_ have to go. See you tomorrow, then?” Jaemin excuses himself already walking out.

"See you, Jaemin!" Jeno tries to hide his excitement, but it doesn’t seem to work as his voice gives him in away and his eyes alone are forming a smile.

 _The way l_ _ife works... it is quite comical_ , Jeno thinks to himself. Just minutes ago, he was ready to give this whole thing up, ready to leave and never come back again. But at that moment, when he saw Jaemin right in front of him, he just knew that he shouldn’t give up. At least not without trying first.


	2. part II

Until now, it had been three years since the last time Jaemin saw Jeno. They were in love, but they were also just teenagers, not knowing that life doesn't always go as you wish.

When Jeno, with tears in his eyes, told Jaemin that he would have to move out of the country, Jaemin thought his life was over. For the first days, he could only blame Jeno, so he tried his best to stay away from the boy. After exactly two weeks, he decided that he was being unreasonable, after all, it wasn't like it was Jeno's choice. So he ran. He ran as fast as he could to Jeno's house, to at least give the boy he loved a proper goodbye. But he was late. When Jaemin finally arrived at Jeno's house, he wasn't living there anymore, he had moved out just sooner that same day.

So Jaemin spent the last three years of his life trying to forget Jeno. He would jump from one relationship to another trying to feel what he once felt when he was younger — sometimes just trying to feel anything at all — but it was never enough.

Then, just two days ago, he was at the bar with his friends celebrating Renjun's new job, it was one of those moments when everything felt so good that he could almost completely forget that, deep down, something was missing. Almost. Because when he looked over his shoulders, at the other side of the room, he glanced at a boy that reminded so much of someone he once knew, that it was enough to bring those feelings back to Jaemin.

It has happened before. Sometimes in the subway, sometimes on a club, or even in the supermarket. Now and then he would catch a glimpse at someone and he could almost swear that it was _him_. But once he looked closer, he would realize that he was just inventing things.

This time though, the other boy looked straight into his eyes, and even though they were so far away from each other, and Jaemin was slightly drunk, for a brief moment he thought that this time it could be real. But the boy left at the same moment, and Jaemin tried to convince himself that he was just going crazy.

And he thought that he definitely was going insane when he arrived at a job he was assigned, and read the name of his client — 'Lee Jeno'. He squinted his eyes, massaged it, closed it and opened it about ten times, even managed to get out of the room, and then came and read the piece of paper again, just to be sure that it was real, he wasn't hallucinating.

Now, here he is, ten minutes away from the place he told Jeno they could meet, and he has no fucking idea of what to expect once he arrives.

**_____________________________________________________________________**

When Jaemin arrives at the restaurant, Jeno is already there waiting for him. They exchange a look from across the room, and Jeno gives him one small smile, but his eyes betray him showing just how lost and nervous he is, and Jaemin feels a little relieved that he isn’t the only one freaking out.

"Hi there," he says as he sits on the chair on the opposite side from Jeno.

"Hey," Jeno says nervously. "I didn't know if you're still okay with it, but I already ordered... I hope you don't mind. I ordered your favorite though."

"Oh,” He can’t even hide his surprise. After all this time, Jeno still remembers what his favorite dish is.

“I mean – if that’s still your favorite... I’m sorry, I should’ve waited.”

“No, it’s okay. It _really_ is. I was just caught off guard for a moment.” Jeno seems relieved at Jaemin’s response. "So... What are the odds, huh? How have you been handling the model life?" he jokes while trying to change the subject.

"It's not something I actually thought of doing before, but it pays well so... Here I am," Jeno says. "What about you, though? I didn't know you were into makeup at all."

"It's a recent hobby, and sometimes I get a freelance in the area, but it's not really what I want to do. Actually, I'm a college student now... Photography." There is a proud smile on Jaemin's face as he says it, and Jeno replies with just a bigger smile.

"No way! You always said that you'd want to become a photographer in the future. I'm so proud of you, Nana- Jaemin." Jaemin freezes at Jeno's words, the nickname he had let out, so familiar yet so foreign, and the other boy seems to notice. Gladly the food arrives at the same moment, so they can avoid talking about it and focus on eating instead.

They often remark on the food, but, aside from that, they eat in silence. And it's a strangely comfortable silence, to Jaemin's surprise. But he should have imagined it, ever since the beginning of their frienship, it has always been like that with Jeno. It always seemed like they understood one another so much, that there wasn't a thing that they couldn't make be natural together.

"I'm sorry, Jeno," Jaemin suddenly says, after some time in silence, and Jeno seems caught out off guard, slightly confused, by his words. So Jaemin continues. "For the way I treated you back then... It wasn't your fault, and I was kind of a dickhead to you. But, I'm really sorry, you know that, right?"

"It's okay. We were just kids back then," Jeno assures with a sincere smile.

"But still, what I did to you... it wasn't right. I kept thinking that you would hate me for the rest of your life for it, and that's also why I never tried to contact you after."

"Jaemin, I could never hate you." Jeno's stare, deep into Jaemin's eyes, sends shivers down his spine but also comforts him because he knows Jeno is telling the truth. "Not even if I tried," Jeno finishes.

"I was so afraid of coming here today, because I didn't know how it was gonna go, and I could swear you hated me," Jaemin admits. "But I'm really glad that I was wrong."

And everything goes smoothly after that, they continue to talk as if nothing had happened at all. Jeno tells Jaemin everything that had happened in his life so far, and Jaemin does the same. They remember funny stories from the past and laugh together just like they used to do in the old times, and they also lose the track of time, barely noticing the day coming to an end.

"Shit," Jeno says as he looks at the time on his cellphone. "I almost forgot about that company dinner thing. I have to go now so I won't miss it."

"Oh, okay... It was good catching up with you," Jaemin says, sounding a little disappointed.

"Yeah, it was." Jeno's gaze lingers on Jaemin longer than he intended, his eyes are doing that moon smile thing that Jaemin used to think was the most beautiful in the world, and he still think it is. "I'm sorry that I have to leave all so suddenly, but I really have to get going," he says as he gets ready to leave.

"Jeno," Jaemin says sounding almost desperate. Jeno just gives him a confused noise and look in response. "Uh... Do you want to go out tomorrow night? Are you still gonna be in town?"

"Actually, tomorrow is my last night here. So, yeah, of course."

"Okay... I will text you the details later then...?"

"Sure." There is a big smile on Jeno's face. "See you tomorrow, Nana," he says as he heads out.

As Jeno leaves, Jaemin realizes two things: the first is that despite the physical changes, the other boy hadn't changed at all, he remained being the most adorable person in the world; and the second is that he might still be in love with his ex.

**_____________________________________________________________________**

The thing is, the more Jaemin thinks about it, the more sure he is that he had never fallen out of love with Jeno. It was just easier not to think so much about him without his presence around, but now that they met again, talked again, for Jaemin, it is clear that the feeling never went away, it was just locked in some part inside of him.

All those years, getting involved with different people, trying to feel "it" again, when everything he needed to relive the feeling was Jeno — see him again, be next to him.

But, to Jaemin, it gets difficult, because it's not like he and Jeno could be something again. Jeno isn't living that far away from him, but he isn't living near either. Besides, Jeno is about to leave, he didn't intend to be in the city for longer than a week. He didn't intend on seeing Jaemin again, it was just a coincidence. And, above it all, he didn't intend on getting back together. What they had is past now, and it should remain in the past. After he leaves, they probably never gonna see each other again. So Jaemin will just do what he's been doing all this time, push these feelings back inside of him.

**_____________________________________________________________________**

It's Friday night and they met again in a bar, this time with Renjun and Donghyuck. Jaemin planned the whole night with the former friends so they could reunite and remember the old times. What he didn't expect was that Renjun and Jeno had already met earlier in the week and that his best friend didn't say a thing about it to him.

"I told you that you should've told him, I knew this would happen," Donghyuck says to his boyfriend, pointing to a sulking Jaemin that refuses to talk to them.

"And I already said that I'm sorry," Renjun replies to his boyfriend but looking to Jaemin instead. "Jaeminnie, _please_? I'm really sorry, okay?"

"And I don't even know why this is also my fault, but I think I'm sorry too... I guess," Jeno completes.

"Um... okay," Jaemin finally says. "But just because this is Jeno's last night in town and I don't wanna ruin it. I'm still mad at Renjun, though."

As they get drunker as the night passes, everything gets nicer and easier. It is almost like Jeno has always been there, like those years when he was away never happened. The alcohol makes everything flows, and sometimes, when they think they aren't being watched, Jaemin and Jeno exchange glances from across the table, just like they used to do in the past. Sometimes those glances get heavier, filled with something Jaemin isn't even sure of what is, but he thinks it is a dangerous, strange land, so he drifts his eyes somewhere else.

After some hours, Renjun and Donghyuck excuse themselves, claiming that they need to go because they have to work early in the morning, which Jaemin knows is just a lie so they can go home and fuck — neither of them work on Saturdays.

"What do we do now?" Jaemin asks Jeno.

"What are the options?"

"I don't know... It's getting late... Don't you have a flight or something to catch tomorrow morning?"

"Not really. My flight is in the evening."

"In this case, the night is still young," Jaemin replies with a big smile. "Are you in for a walk? I feel like I need a walk right now."

They walk through all the downtown, with the lights of the city guiding them through their slight drunkness. They stop by a park, and as they go into it to find a nice spot to sit, the moonlight starts to replace the city lights in the work of lighting their way.

"This city is getting so boring, you know?" Jaemin starts. "It's only growing into something more like a big city and getting farther from the place I grew up in."

"I still think it's beautiful here," Jeno says, looking straight into Jaemin.

"But it's not the same. It changed." At this point, Jaemin isn't even sure if it's the city what he's talking about anymore.

"Sometimes change is good."

"I suppose it is."

It may be just some minutes, or even seconds, of a little stare contest between the two of them, but it felt like hours. Jeno is the one who decides to break the silence. "I feel like this whole walk thing just dissipated all the alcohol in my body."

"Me too. I'm not even slightly drunk anymore," Jaemin laughs.

"Do you want to smoke?" Jeno asks as he takes something out of his jacket. Jaemin eyes widen as he sees that Jeno is holding a blunt.

"Jeno? Are you crazy? We can't do that in here."

"When did you become so scared of things like that?" Jeno jokes. "You really changed, Na Jaemin."

Jaemin slaps Jeno's shoulder lightly. "I'm for real, this is a public place." He gets up and gives his hand to help Jeno do the same. "Isn’t the hotel you’re staying nearby?"

"If you wanted me to take you home so bad, you could just have asked, you know?" Jeno says as he gets up. This time the smack Jaemin gives in his shoulder is not even a little bit soft.

"You're infuriating, Lee." His cheeks are still red from embarrassment as he says it.

**_____________________________________________________________________**

"You used to be so scared of everything, and look at you now," Jaemin jokes. Jeno is rolling another blunt for them, but Jaemin is already feeling pretty high. On the balcony of Jeno’s apartment, they have a nice view of the night, it is a cold one, but the sky looks beautiful. Still, Jaemin only has eyes for the boy sitting cross-legged beside him.

"I have also changed," Jeno says smiling with his eyes.

"I can see it now."

"I missed you," Jeno says casually as if it was such an easy thing to say. Jaemin, on the other hand, feels his inside trembling at the other boy’s words and just continues to stare at Jeno, not sure of how to reply. "I missed the guys too — Renjun and Hyuck. Today was good, it reminded me of when we were younger, I really missed it," he completes.

"Yeah," Jaemin finally manages to say. "I missed it too."

"But I missed you especially," Jeno says.

This time when Jaemin looks Jeno in the eyes, there is something different in his gaze, just like it did earlier in the bar. But instead of looking away, he dares to continue with the staring contest. Jaemin feels his body getting heavier and heavier as seconds go by, and as Jeno's gaze moves from his eyes to his lips, and then back to his eyes again. It feels like a game of who's gonna break and take the step first, but Jaemin never liked games that much anyway, so he leans in.

Some might say it was because of the weed, but Jaemin could swear he felt like he was levitating a little when his lips finally touched Jeno's. Everything felt magical, yet just right.

Different from all the kisses they shared when they were younger, this one was full of eagerness, filled with want. Their hands grasping everywhere, trying to touch as much as it could at the same time. Jaemin had quickly put Jeno in his laps, and the boy had moved the open-mouthed kisses to Jaemin's neck.

"Fuck," Jaemin groans as Jeno moves his body over him, making their crotches touch slightly. He moves the hand he had in Jeno's back to hold his hips and press their bodies even closer together. This time Jeno is the one who leaves soft moans inside Jaemin's mouth while they go back to kissing.

Jeno moves his hands from inside Jaemin's shirt to the buttons of his jeans, undoing it, and then places his hand on Jaemin's bulge, pressing it. The sound Jaemin lets out is so loud that he is afraid someone else might have heard it, and it is also loud enough to wake him from the trance he seemed to be in.

"Jeno, we shouldn't do it," he says. Jeno's hand stops immediately and he gives a confused look to Jaemin. "We're not entirely sober, we're gonna regret it later. Besides, you're leaving tomorrow."

"I'd still want to do if I was sober," Jeno says. "And, Nana, I don't have to leave." He gives a slight squeeze in Jaemin's shoulder.

"Of course you have, you already have your life together and it's not here. I can't be the one pushing you down."

"But it's not like-"

"Jeno, we can't do it," he cuts him off. Jaemin can see the pain in Jeno's eyes, and it hurts him to know he's the one to blame. But this is the best thing to do, he knows it. He already considered all the possibilities, and there's no way he and Jeno could be together in this dimension, letting anything happens between them now would only make it hurts more after. Jeno seems to get it too because he gets up from his lap and starts to make his way inside the room.

"I think it's time for me to go," Jaemin says as he makes his way to the door, not even daring to look at Jeno, he doesn't have the strength.

"You know... I really thought we could make it work this time," Jeno says as Jaemin is already stepping out of the door. His voice full of pain, making Jaemin's heart shatter into tiny little pieces and even harder for him to go away.

**_____________________________________________________________________**

The next day when Jaemin wakes up he doesn't even know how he managed to get back into his apartment last night. The last thing he remembers is leaving the hotel, and everything after that is just a blur, but his swollen eyes can tell him a little about the rest of it.

He works his best to live his day as if his heart isn't broken, and he fails terribly. Jaemin doesn't seem to get last night out of his head, every single thing reminds him of Jeno and his words, how he said about doing it right this time. _Jeno couldn't be real, right?_ Jaemin thinks. There's no way to make it work, and if they tried the fall would be harder this time, they weren't kids anymore. At least, that's what he tries to put into his head.

Even though Jaemin tried to be productive, he just spends the day sprawled on his couch, thinking about the things he couldn't see himself forgetting. The way Jeno's lips felt pressed into his, the way everything since the day they had lunch together felt just like it was meant to be. The feeling he had been searching for during all those years, he felt it with Jeno. With Jeno, he finally felt complete again. But they couldn't be together, could they? It doesn't make sense. Jeno is leaving in a few hours, and after that Jaemin just has to try hard enough to push these feelings back inside of him, just like he managed to do all those years.

Except that maybe this time he doesn't feel like he could do it. Meeting Jeno again, having a taste of how it is to have him, Jaemin doesn't think these feelings would ever disappear.

Except that maybe Jeno was right. Maybe this time they could make it right. So Jaemin runs. He runs as fast as he can, hoping this time it won’t be too late.

When Jaemin arrives at the hotel, he realizes that he's lost. No one at the reception will let him in without authorization and, after yesterday, he doesn't think Jeno will authorize it anyway. But he can't give up, not yet, not so easy. So he does the only obvious thing he can think of: he calls Jeno. But the other boy doesn't pick up. Then, he tries again.

Again.

And again.

On the tenth tentative, just when he was starting to lose hope, Jeno picks up. "Jeno! I'm down here, in your hotel... Can you let me come up?" Jaemin says desperately.

No reply.

“Jeno... _please_... let me talk to you,” Jaemin pleads.

"Okay. I will let the receptionist know you're coming up," Jeno finally says, with a voice empty of emotions, and ends the call.

When Jaemin finally makes his way to Jeno's door, he doesn't even have the chance to knock, Jeno opens the door the moment he got there. "You look like you're about to faint," Jeno points out.

"I want to try," Jaemin says almost out of breath.

"Uh?"

"This," he points between themselves. "Us. I want to try to make it work."

"But last night... You said that-"

"I know what I said, and I regret it, I really do. I was scared... I guess I still am. And I don't know if we can make it work, but if you're still up to it, I want to try, Jeno. What I felt with you in those couple of days — what I felt yesterday — made me realize that _it’s you_ , it has always been you, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting not even trying.” 

"Ok," Jeno says as he gets closer to Jaemin and pulls him into a tight hug.

“Ok? Really?” Jaemin looks at him hesitantly but still hopeful, and holds him just as close, afraid that Jeno might go away if the hug gets too loose.

“Yes, we can try,” Jeno reassures Jaemin with a smile followed by a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

**Author's Note:**

> i've been stuck in this for so long that i can hardly believe that i finally had the courage to put it out. it started with a particular idea and then it came off as something entirely different, but i'm quite satisfied with the way it turned out, so i hope everyone who read enjoyed it as much as i did. :)
> 
> if you liked it, please leave kudos! 
> 
> also, i created a twitter account (mostly to babbler about my upcoming works) so if you want to you can find me [here](https://twitter.com/luveagain).


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